Depression Consumes the Mind.

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depression consumes the mind.

intertwined in lies i speak to others,

i’m fine, and you?

don’t look into their eyes,

or they’ll spot the lie.

LIAR!

i tell the truth.

i play the fool.

who are you?

enemy, end of me, and im mean.

who am me?

gain composure, you freak.

i fantasize of being free.

smile, do not murder, and repeat.

fix that body posture.

shoulders back, chin up, spine straight.

societies full body masquerade.

such an imposter.

such a disgrace.

i hate.

Military Archives: A Marines Diary P.5.

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2008, January 29, Tuesday.

Suicide is what my father tried to commit the day of the shooting with the officers in his very own home. When he fired his AR15 at the Cops he expected them to fire back and kill him. He wanted them to kill him; assisted suicide. They fired back, but they didn’t kill him.

He was so drugged, and drunk, out of his mind that day he doesn’t remember much of it. I received a letter from him today, and the tone sounded worried. Make sure you write back soon.

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My father has been in prison 10 years already. (Note to Reader- It was the year 1998). If he tried killing himself back then what’s stopping him from committing suicide in prison?

Am I the reason he is still alive? Does he want to see me grow into a successful individual before he passes? If so, then I can’t die in combat during my Iraq deployment. For if I did, I would not only take my life away, but my fathers as well. what do I need to do in order to survive and grow even stronger

Military Archives: A Marines Diary P.4.

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2008, January 28, Monday.

Realized that though my mother was not there for me during my formative years, she had to work double shifts due to my father being incarcerated, and I took it out on her. It was never her fault.

She loved me and worked those double shifts and was never there, because she had to provide food and a roof over my head. I went to visit her yesterday and she told me she loves me and wants to be there for me.


I find it sad that she had to retire to find time to spend with me. This is why I want to be successful. This is why I want to be a billionaire. To be able to spend time with the people I love, and to be able to do the things that I love with them. It’s called financial independence. And, if you don’t make a billion, hey… at least you’re going to land in the millions.

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Taking my ADD medication on an empty stomach helps the efficiency of the drug. When I picked up Mulberry the first words out of his mouth as he got into my car were, “I don’t give a fuck!”.

He’s getting Non-Judicial Punishment(NJP) for drinking underage, lack of cleanliness, and not fixing his room key as ordered by leadership. He got the paper from the FIOC in order to give it to MEF HQ, but didn’t go because he didn’t have a ride. He asked me to do it and I complied.

Shame on you! Next time think before you react, “Ask questions”, “Understand”. Complying Instant obedience isn’t always the answer. Ask he asked for a ride, tell him to walk. Bootcamp and it’s drilling got in your head. Learn from this.

Military Archives: A Marines Diary P.3.

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2008, January 27, Sunday.

Woke up at 12:00pm at my nephews house, who is the same age as me, and dropped him off at the bus station so he could look for houses. I then went to visit my sister at her house, and ate lunch with her and her kids.

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With Dr.Pepper, tostadas, my nephew & my niece beside me I am a happy family man. I spent most of my time at their house researching Neuro-Linguistic Programming(NLP) on YouTube. Note to self; you should definitely continue researching this subject matter. Also, check out Influence: Science and Practice by Robert Cialdini. The books about persuasion.

On another note, when you come back from Iraq, open up a “Roth IRA” with “Morgan Stanley”, or any credible bank, really. Picked up Private Mulberry from the San Diego airport and he gave me $20.00 without me asking for any money. Booyakasha. Boh, Boh! Respect.

Military Archives: A Marines Diary P.2.

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2008, January 26, Saturday.

Mother went to Lancaster to fix the house she just bought and says it looks beautiful. Went to a Chinese buffet with the family, “Mom, January, Flower, Jesus, Peter, Mark, Anna, Lucy, & Ethel.” Peter is looking for a new apartment because he might get evicted. his roommate moved out without notice and took all the money. watched the labyrinth at my sisters house. my nephew mark called me his best friend. he looks up to me a lot.

I went to a rave in San Bernardino, because that’s the thing to do at this time in age. Everyone from ages under 18 to over 50 were there. I mean, people who could be my Mom and Pop are dancing around. I think they may be high. The music is great, the people are beautiful, but it’s a trap! People taking ecstasy are destroying their brains. You quit smoking cigarettes today. This writing is proof to reflect on your promises in order to succeed to your full potential. Self-medication will no longer be an issue and your mom would be proud.

If it were an issue sadness and heartache will occur for you and your mom.

(Note to Reader- if you have an addiction and want to quit, do it for you. If you quit for others you are guaranteed to fail.) 

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Keep on growing, pushing through and maintaining good habits. The people that went to the rave were: Nestle, Yoshi, Ed, White guy, White girl, Anthony, Jeff, Ray, Michael & Peter. You battled in a dance circle and got complimented by Ray. Then you got to see him dance, and pop & lock. To my surprise he is really good at dancing. Tooshay.

After I battled in the dance circle I noticed I lost my wallet. I walked to the police overseeing the rave across the street and tried to report my wallet lost. They flashed a flashlight in both my eyes and told me to take a nap with my keys on my lap before driving home. . . They thought I had been drinking?! Silly cops, I was sober the entire time.

Military Archives: A Marines Diary P.1.

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2008, January 25, Friday.

My first annotation on my daily journal. Today I woke up at 0600 and headed to the Physical Fitness Course(PFT) at Lake O’Neill. The run was the most difficult for me, because I had never been good at running. I believe what helped me push through without slowing down was the positive thinking overcoming my negative thinking. Repeating words in my head like, “push… go, go… almost there… Corporal promotion.” Once I saw the finish line I sprinted toward it with all my energy, and got the score of 280 like I wanted. I made Iron Man.

Went to Central Issue Facility(CIF) to exchange flak gear and had to drive back twice because of my forgetfulness “ADD”. Second time there I waited over an hour to get my flak inspected just to get turned away for a little dirt on my flak; also known as a bullet-proof vest. Cleaned the flak with cold water and coca cola in washer. Then I hang dried it. Went to a restaurant called Pizza Port in Carlsbad for a Platoon function. It was for all the Marines getting deployed. Amber has a good heart, i’m disappointed i didn’t get to know her better.

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Started to drive to LA at 1700; Smooth drive. Got to my destination at 1900. Talked with mother about her neglect of me as a child. Explained to her that the communication she uses around me tends to have negative connotations more often than not. I explained to her how she looks to point out the bad things within the relationship. This in turn gives me bad feelings every time i’m around her. I figured if we spent more time being open about our feelings we would be able to fix our relationship.

Hanged out with friends while they searched for “party favors”. They failed to find any. Went to a table reading where actors read a script and pretend to act in front of an audience. They are pretending to pretend. Wow, what a mind-boggling meta thing to say.

I Don’t Know, But You Do. Do You?

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I don’t know if you know but I know you noticed this notice, so I want to put it on this notice that I know you noticed my notice and no I don’t know who knows the words to this notice, but I know you know. I took notice.

Today is not yesterday and yesterday is not today. Tomorrow is a possible today and never a yesterday. Yesterday was once tomorrow but will never be today. Today stays today no matter the yesterday and no matter the tomorrow. The future can only be seen through the eyes of today. The day is conquered the moment you open your eyes. Why lie when you can lie down.


A clown is a frown upside down who happens to tell jokes. How many fish does it take to fill a fish bowl? One, but it has to be a really big fish. A big fish in the sea is an even more popular fish when in a small fish bowl. A fish out of a bowl is a fish in too deep. Would you make love to a fish if it took you out to a real nice lobster dinner?


I haven’t given my blog much love and I want to apologize to you for that. I know it’s so simple to just write a few paragraphs and thus fulfill my duties as a blog writer through content creation and beautification of the souls that lift up with gratification. Gravity exists to gift the souls that need a lift but can’t afford Uber . . Or Lyft. I know that no is a word that no one loves to hear, but someone has to say it.

SOMEONE
No.


NO ONE
I don’t like to hear that word.

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When a man loves a woman he loses logic to lust. Lust is like rust as in if you don’t take care of the metal it loses its polish and develops rust. Rust then gives you tetanus. So don’t be hesitant to express the opposite of hate and propagate some time to share the love for never is worse than late.

How is the brain even making sense of this writing? Have you thought of that? Well, now you have but like . . How can we understand these little characters that in turn symbolize meanings that trigger emotion that give reason to remember this moment, calculate the valence, and store it.

Our brain really is just a bunch of neurons that when put into a microscope are just a bunch of atoms that when put into a microscope are just a bunch of quarks that when put into a microscope is meta to the third power.

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